Thursday, September 27, 2012
I don't do anything, yet I am tired. All the time. Like it is exhausting to watch television most of the day. Okay, I take care of my puppy, which is really something. And I take care of the house, the food, the laundry. So I have been better, but it is so easy when I fail to fall all the way down into a deep den of depression. I feel like I suck at life. So why am I so hard on myself? If a friend came to me with these issues I would easily pick up on all the positive in their lives. In ten seconds I could list ten reasons to not be so down. So why can't I do that to myself? Why is it always all or nothing with me? Thousands of years ago, Jesus knew all my failures. He knew failures I haven't even attempted at this point in my life. Knowing it all, he was still beaten for me. He was still spit upon for me. He still suffered the world's worst form of torture. For me. Why? Because no matter how messy my life gets, Jesus thinks it was worth it. Not that I bring Him anything. But because of His incredible love for me (and you) He sits at the right hand of God and says, "Yes she's a mess. But she is mine." And because of this love, I should always remember to get up from wherever I have fallen and follow Him. Because I think when someone dies for you, you have the responsibility to try to see things their way.
Friday, September 21, 2012
So we have been in Myrtle Beach for almost a month now. And I haven't been writing. I told myself I was going to get our office together and then start writing. However, while our house is definitely coming together, the office is still almost completely boxes. And so I put off getting my act together and writing every day. Meanwhile, a part of me seems to know there will always be some excuse. So, whether or not I have all my crap together, I will make a point to write. Because I know, deep down, I will never have all my crap together. Do you do that in your relationship with God? Are you waiting to get it all together to offer yourself over to His service? God knows we are a mess. We need to remember we are nothing without God. If we keep waiting to become better people without God that day will never ever come. So no matter what mess you find yourself in, give it over to God. Let Him help you get your act together. And don't worry if you still feel like a mess. People will see God through our mess. He is evident through our fallen selves when we let the world know that we couldn't do anything away from Him.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
So, one of my favorite commercials is the one where the "depression" is pictured as a dark item (an umbrella, a robe) that is a constant in the life of the sufferer. It is the most accurate depiction I have ever seen. Even after the medication takes hold, the depression remains in the picture, although it is not on top of the poor girl anymore. I see this in my life. Some days the depression is not in control, but it always is in the picture. It remains in my life, just not right on top of me. And just like the commercial with the robe, sometimes I almost make it out of the grip, however it comes up behind me and tackles me. I cannot grow with this depression on my back. I need to shake myself free by taking care of myself. With or with medication I need to have faith that God wants more for my life than to suffer from this awful disease. And He feels the same about any one of you who suffers the same.