I'm Kind of a Spaz

I have diagnosed myself with a fear of church.

It was a long time coming. I grew up in the institute and have come by my fear honestly. Let me give you just a quick run down of my church experiences:

I was almost "kicked out" of the choir when I was in high school for going to another church's youth group.

I was in a car wreck, laid out, and the only church person to visit wanted the supplies out of my totaled car that I bought for a church event.

I was elected to speak in front of the church on a special event Sunday but the pastor vetoed because I am a girl.

I was called "mentally unstable" by one of my pastors.

So yeah, I may have "pastor phobia."

But it doesn't have to stay that way. God is working to make me new.

Until He completes His work though, I am kind of a spaz. Meeting new church folks makes me edgy. Inside I feel like my dog, wagging all over and screaming, "LIKE ME!" But in my mind I know the truth is found in Galatians 1:10 -

"For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ."

Do I really care what every person thinks of me? If someone is not going to like me for me than there is no reason to jump up and down, performing, and begging to be approved. Begging to be loved.

In the Church we won't be best friends with everybody. But we are called to love everybody. After all does our hand hate our foot? I don't think so. That would be weird. In the same way the body of Christ is called to function (as our bodies at their best.) See Romans 12:4-5.

So I am calling myself to relax. Freaking out never made me friends with anyone. Let's remember whose opinion really matters as we go about our business today.